"Where Did The Time Go?"

That is something you will NOT hear my Mother say. Her days are sooooooooooooooo long to her. If she has an Atlanta Braves baseball game coming on that evening @ 7:00pm, she will ask me several times a day if it's time for it yet.

Tiptoeing in to see her sitting in the family room watching the morning news while having her breakfast, I greet her and say, "How are ya feeling today?"

She answers me with a smile and a 'thumbs up' while I fix my morning cup of coffee. I get my dog a treat for breakfast and walk back to my room to sit down. I can feel a sigh release from my body and my shoulders visibly relax.

I note to myself that I'm glad that she still reacts to me. And a smile from her is pure gold right about now.

I realize now that the times I can go away and leave her on her own will be limited as I take off for the drug store to pick up my high blood pressure meds. I need to go back to the doctor and get this dose doubled but for now $4.00 buys me 15 days worth of help and I can push it down on the TO DO LIST to see the doctor later this month for a checkup. Double up this prescription and see about more nerve pills like he's given me in the past.

On the way back I see the Sammons Hotdogs sign and pull in the drivethru to surprise Mother with a hotdog for lunch. These are the best and biggest and beefiest dogs around with a spotless reputation.

I give her her hotdog, take my slawdog to the table. When I went to the drug store, I left her stripping a cob of corn to boil. One whole cob of corn or a small bowl of potato salad or cole slaw fills her up.

I get back and the corn is shucked and sits on the counter. She tells me that she couldn't remember what else to do to it and gives me the confused face. As she tells me this, I mentally retreat, not wanting the dementia to backslide... hoping for it to stay the same.

Small defeats and miracles make up my hours and set the tone for my life now. I hate that I am so consumed by this but it has to be for now. Writing, I hope, will help me cope better.