Plenty Of Company

"No-- just don't say anything to him," my Mother states.

She is referring to one of many imaginary people around her that she talks to daily. The main one is a man she refers to as "John Doe". He pompously sits in judgement of her, taking her seat, using her pens. He gets most of the blame for things that 'go missing'.

I used to try to reason with her about "the people" when this was the first real sign of her Dementia that showed up besides her loss of balance. She first mentioned "the people" in Dec 2009. I argued with her about it.

"Where Did The Time Go?"

That is something you will NOT hear my Mother say. Her days are sooooooooooooooo long to her. If she has an Atlanta Braves baseball game coming on that evening @ 7:00pm, she will ask me several times a day if it's time for it yet.

Tiptoeing in to see her sitting in the family room watching the morning news while having her breakfast, I greet her and say, "How are ya feeling today?"

She answers me with a smile and a 'thumbs up' while I fix my morning cup of coffee. I get my dog a treat for breakfast and walk back to my room to sit down. I can feel a sigh release from my body and my shoulders visibly relax.

I note to myself that I'm glad that she still reacts to me. And a smile from her is pure gold right about now.

I realize now that the times I can go away and leave her on her own will be limited as I take off for the drug store to pick up my high blood pressure meds. I need to go back to the doctor and get this dose doubled but for now $4.00 buys me 15 days worth of help and I can push it down on the TO DO LIST to see the doctor later this month for a checkup. Double up this prescription and see about more nerve pills like he's given me in the past.

On the way back I see the Sammons Hotdogs sign and pull in the drivethru to surprise Mother with a hotdog for lunch. These are the best and biggest and beefiest dogs around with a spotless reputation.

I give her her hotdog, take my slawdog to the table. When I went to the drug store, I left her stripping a cob of corn to boil. One whole cob of corn or a small bowl of potato salad or cole slaw fills her up.

I get back and the corn is shucked and sits on the counter. She tells me that she couldn't remember what else to do to it and gives me the confused face. As she tells me this, I mentally retreat, not wanting the dementia to backslide... hoping for it to stay the same.

Small defeats and miracles make up my hours and set the tone for my life now. I hate that I am so consumed by this but it has to be for now. Writing, I hope, will help me cope better.

A Brighter Day Today

Hallelujah! I slept six hours last night. I feel a lot better but still have some way to go with mental health, I'll admit.

I DO feel like I can say that I am off of some sort of death watch. Not 100% but enough so that I can claim it today.

I ate a whole bowl of cereal this morning and had a bit of tea and grapes.

Mother fixed her own breakfast and is chipper and bored today. Time has really slowed down for her. Time is still relevant, so that's a good sign.

Today I will try to find the joy in what I DO have going in my favor as to what I DON'T have going on.

IF I COULD JUST REMEMBER TO TAKE MY OWN ADVICE!!

Over the past few weeks I keep desperately saying, "Now what is it I usually do to keep the blues away?"

I can usually keep it at bay and WITHOUT help from drugs and/or alcohol. So I may have to turn to the doctor for some stress relief soon.

But I am off of unofficial 'death watch' for now. I know that but my stressed body doesn't know that yet. Soon, I hope.

**UPDATE: I got my The 36-Hour Day: A Family Guide to Caring for People with Alzheimer Disease, Other Dementias, and Memory Loss in Later Life book that Sandi Rainbolt recommended to me today. Already very helpful.

Dealing With Dementia

After three episodes, I have cause for concern.

Mother has had dementia for at least 10 years. She's 87 years old now. Her outward sign that you could tell was of her shuffling gate. She began shuffling her feet to walk, instead of picking them up, not long after she turned 70.

Dementia is closely related to Alzheimer's. She hasn't experienced any memory lapses. She has a lot of trouble recalling words. Any conversation is spent digging for the name of Uncle so-and-so who went to work in such-and-such.

You can emotionally accept this as part of the aging process along with her diminished hearing and sight. But the hallucinations are something altogether different. On every level imaginable.

The first hallucination episode happened around Christmas holidays. Skyler and Phoenix were over visiting and Mother appeared yelling about the "two boys" we had in the house. That sounded like something she may have said in my teen years to my sister and I but this wasn't a memory lapse. She actually "saw" two guys in the house and she thought we were hiding them from her.

Naturally, this disturbed me but soon I was able to spin it and accept it as a one time thing.

This past week it happened again. Once, matter of factly, and the next time she came and got me to tell me about the people in her room. I asked her to show them to me.

In her mind there were two adults standing near her closet and on a chair sat a child with two other children around her.

What do you say about that? You have a tiny little lady looking up to you with her sad eyes wanting answers, or validation, and most of all security. Do you play along?

I asked her if they scared her and she said, "yes".

Then I asked her what she thought I should do about it. She sort of laughed and said, "I wish we had some kind of spray to keep them away from here". Then we began laughing about Robin's ex-husband whose family believed in voodoo.

As quickly as it began, it had ended. But I couldn't spin it anymore. Of course, web addict that I am I began googling dementia and hallucinations and it's all part of it. It even has a name. Dementia with Lewy bodies.

I'm not afraid to tell you that I'm scared. I wish I had someone to talk to about it who has been in this position and dealt with this. I'm going to ask her doctor if maybe she should try out Aricept.

If you've been reading this far, bless your little big heart. xoxo

I Watch Her Fade

"Let's go!" she yelled.

"What'd you say?" I asked as I went to see what my elderly Mother meant by that, fearing that she may have gotten her appointments mixed up. It's starting to occur more frequently to my 86 year old Mother. Her memory is fading and it's scaring us both.

This career woman whose once loud clickety-clack of high heels across the floor still echoes throughout these halls now shuffles along, cane in hand, eyes on every single frail step she takes.

"It's time to go, Susan!" she said.

Oh, my. How can I frame this delicately? I know she'll be embarrassed that she's gotten the time mixed up and I hate to hurt her fragile feelings this way.

"Mother, it's almost 11:00 and your hair appointment isn't until 1:00," I say, looking into the huge blue eyes that generations of blue eyes have followed.

I have those same big eyes. My son and daughter have those same eyes. Even my grandson has those same big blue eyes.

"I'm thinking about church, aren't I?" she recalled.

"Yes, you are, Mother. Now take your coat off and sit a spell, my dear. We have 2 more hours to kill," I say with a smile.

I feel the sting of embarrassment radiating from this once proud woman but in this quiet acknowledgment of fading years we both know there's nothing we can do to quell it.

Don't Be Talking About MY President

My sweet, fragile and timid little Mother was with a group of ladies of all ages at a formal function today when someone told a derogatory joke about Obama. The lady started to tell the 2nd joke when my prim and proper 86 year old Mother butted in to say,

"You know that I'm a Democrat, don't you?"

The girl got red-faced and flustered as everyone turned to see what would happen next saying,

"Well, I don't think it matters whether you are Democrat or Republican, the jokes are still funny."

I asked Mother what the joke was and it was something about how there will now be watermelon and fried chicken in the Rose Garden.

Mother was still upset when I went to pick her up and she said to me, "Obama is probably more aquainted with haute cuisine than those rednecks back there."

who wants meatloaf?

My Little Mommy got upset this morning when she realized that she had forgotten my Dad's birthday on Saturday. (He was born on October 11 and he passed away on July 9, 1990.) Looking back I realize that she always mentions it and says Happy Birthday aloud to him.

She's 86 now and it still sharp and sarcastic and witty so it was unexpected to hear her tell me about this.

She framed her forgetting his birthday around the slippery slope to Alzheimer's and began crying. She doesn't cry often so I hugged her and kissed the top of her head (5'0" tall) and stayed close to her until she felt a wee bit better. Some of you may remember me mentioning that she's not much of a hugging, kissing person so it's a little awkward when I do that to her because she doesn't react or reciprocate.

Losing her memory has always been her greatest fear. Do we all fear it that strongly when we're older?

I'm fixing a big dinner tonight for us. I thought that would be nice. So, who wants meatloaf, mashed potatos, green beans, and apple cobbler?

xoxo

more care than I can give

I am a caregiver. That is my primary function I suppose you would say. I have a menial workathome job that allows me to stay close to my mother who is almost 86. It's almost ironic for she and I to be the only two members left in my core family. We were never close at all. She was not a hugger or a person who expressed her feelings to her children at all. I resented that and everything else that defined her.

A few days ago I walked up to her and placed her arms around my back and waist. I hugged her close to me and told her that I was going to teach her how to "hug". Whether she liked it or not. It was awkward and we laughed nervously at our feeble attempt but I was adamant. I said, "It's a start, little Mommy" and kissed her on the top of her head.

These past two days she has been feeling pretty weak and I've been concerned. Tomorrow being Monday, I'll call her doctor and see what he has to say. Sometimes it's frustrating because she's the typical Mother who when you ask if she needs anything always says "No".

Many of us baby boomers are in the same situation caring for (or in charge of the care of) our elderly parents to varying degrees. I imagine that many of those other boomers have lots of questions as I do and sometimes feel quite inadequate.

There is no correct way to care for your elderly parent/s. I have a good friend who's single and her elderly parent will need 24hour care the rest of her life so an assisted living facility is the right thing for her situation.

My mother is still alert and active, if a little slow finding the right word she wants to say or when she is walking around. For this I feel very blessed but I'm a little frightened to think that she may need more care than I can give her one day so I try to "be here now" and enjoy the time we have together and leave the past behind us.

Breaktime!

I've been traveling today to NC and back. On the road from 7A til 11:30A then and went shopping a bit for more baking supplies. I just made cookie dough for a batch of sugar cookies and am waiting on it to chill.

Mother is making fudge right now. She's sure come a long way in the past two years since I've moved in with her. She was so fragile and sick then. At 85, it's been a hard climb, but she's in great health now; getting stronger every day. I can gauge her progress by the more she participates in daily life. Baking cookies and sending Christmas cards is indeed a good sign.

Here are some cell phone photos of my Christmas Tree. I still have many more ornaments to put on and will take another photo when I get the presents wrapped and finish decorating the tree. I know they're terrible quality, but it's all I have.

The Name Game

Skye was so set on the name Oliver and I kept teasing her that she'd probably change her mind a few times throughout the pregnancy. Now she likes the name Sebastian. By the time September rolls around she may toss these names out altogether and come up with something completely different. I'm embroidering something for him but I'm not putting anything in for the name yet.

Mother told me that she would have named me Mike if I had been a boy. And she wanted to name me Michelle but thought that people would think it was too different. Michelle is used pretty often now, but way back then it wasn't a name that you heard very often at all. I don't know any 50ish Michelle's, but there has to be some of them out there.

It's interesting how Mommies and others come up with names. And you hope everyone likes the name as much as you do. Tell me a name story.

Single Mothers

Poor thing. Skyler is so miserable. She's 32 weeks now and can NOT get comfortable, losing sleep, still nauseous, hasn't gained any weight yet and has had a painful pregnancy-- down low and now up high on her diaphragm has been painful where she even cries from the pain. I don't remember pregnancy being painful at all, but it's different for everyone so grandmother is a nervous wreck with worry. She has an appointment Wednesday morning which is always good. I sent her this note last night.

Hi Sweetie,

I found this quote that a single mother had made and I thought it was very beautiful.

"Girls like me have raised presidents. We've raised messiahs and musicians, writers and settlers. Girls like me won't compromise and we won't fail." ~Anonymous

Always hold your head up. Although some days you may not feel like it, you have been given the most prestigious honor in the world-- to become a Mother. I couldn't be more proud of you.

xoxo
Mom

How Green Is Your, Um, Valley?

Your Life is 92% Green

Your life is totally green, and as far as your environmental beliefs go... your actions do speak louder than your words. Your lifestyle totally serves as an inspiration to others. Whether you know it or not. So keep it up!

How Green Is Your Life?

Who knew my Mother showing me the value of being frugal would one day lead to my being Green?

Baby Shower(s)

Skyler's baby shower was yesterday. Whew! I'm still recovering from the activity and excitement. Her oldest and dearest friend from 1st grade on held the shower at her place in Asheville and she has a pool at the apartment complex where she lives which was perfect for a hot July day. She also has a 6 month old son so she's been able to pass down many things already to Skyler for her baby boy's arrival in September.

I also met up with her Daddy (and my husband) at the shower. Speaking of showers, it rained, but only a little and the lingering haze over the city made the water that much more inviting.

She got loads of good stuff. Mostly cute clothes. In fact I saw a sea of every shade of blue piled up in a large box. Skyler already had gotten a bassinette, a car seat, a playpen, a tub, and a few other large items. Up until yesterday she hadn't received any diapers yet. Most of her friends are not Mothers and I noticed that Mothers always give diapers to pregnant ladies. Perhaps a new Mother doesn't realize how golden (and expensive) those things are until the baby's arrival. Then she'll be thanking everyone for those diapers. And baby wipes. If she doesn't get another thing, she's in fine shape now for the arrival of big O.

She will more than likely call him "Oliver Phoenix".

Okay. I've blogged about her and now it's time to text or call her. =)

Greetings!

I just finished a lovely slice of watermelon. Yum-ness. I cracked it open last night and Mother and I had a piece before bedtime. I don't remember paying $7.00 for a watermelon before, but it was worth it. Strawberries are sky-high also. What's a fruit loving gal to do? Buy sparingly and treat it as a special event? Take out a freaking loan? And lemons are 2 for $1.38. I've got to make some fresh lemonade soon and it doesn't look like the price is waning.

Do you eat a lot of fruit? Are your fruit prices higher this year? I hear that the orchards were affected by the drought and an earlier freeze. Bananas and apples and oranges are fairly prices, but grapefruits are higher than I've ever seen them.

I try to buy local when possible. $1.00 a pound for tomatos is fair at a roadside stand. The pole beans looked anemic though.

I'm through.

Very Strict Schedule

If my dear sweet Mother couldn't follow a schedule, I hate to think of what might happen. While her dog was at the groomer's today, Mother automatically opened a can of dog food at 2:00 and put it down for Sugar to eat.

Sugar is AT the groomer's but she normally eats at 2:00pm PROMPTLY every day. Evidentially whether she's here or not. Would you say that is following the schedule to a T? (Does this help you understand my rebellious nature growing up a little better?)

Mother's still sharp and bright and maintains her sarcastic wit so she's not losing her mind or anything. She just always sticks to her self-imposed schedule that's even more strict as she gets older. Maybe it helps her try to keep control of her life a little easier this way.

Bless her heart. Thanks for listening.

I'm Going With Virgin

You've probably heard me rave about Virgin Mobile cellphone company or Virgin anything before. Let me suggest to you that if you are considering switching your cellphone company, consider Virgin Mobile. The best reason? NO CONTRACT! And they donate lots of money to charity. What about those 2 year contracts? And if you want to change your plan-- they'll start that 2 year plan all over again.

I came to Virgin after trying out two previous companies that are all pretty much the same but Virgin is the only one that doesn't have contracts. You just set up a monthly plan or pay by the minute. If you decide another plan is better suited to your needs, that's just fine. Skyler first used them and then I switched over after a contract ran out with Cingular and then yesterday I took the first step in porting Mother's landline over to Virgin Mobile.

To "port" a phone from one company to another takes 30 to 45 days. It's all FCC regulated and has to go through all that, I suppose. Mother wanted to keep the same phone number that she's had all these years and switching over her home line to a cellphone will also save her at least $50 a month. It's not that easy to introduce electronic gizmos to the elderly but I'm hoping she'll soon be comfortable with using her new cellphone.

3 Cheers for Boring And Uneventful

Well, let's see here. If I wait for something exciting to post about, we may be waiting for a new post for a long, long time. Interesting? I wouldn't know it if it jumped up and bit me. Boring? Now you're talking. But boredom is good. Uneventful I can live with.... now.

"So what boring uneventful things have you been up to, Susan?"

"Thanks for asking, Susan."

Alright, ROLLCALL. Sweet daughter is 6 mos, 1 week, 2 days pregnant today. And he's moving most all the time. She was having pains in the lower uterus area and the doctor told her to take extra strength Tylenol and it's helped enormously. Old man, literally, my old hubby is still, old. He's my intellectual outlet and I miss long talks with him while he's in one state and I'm in another. And Mother had lasar surgery on her eye yesterday because it was cloudy. After the healing time we hope she's able to watch her Atlanta Braves a little more clearly. And me? I'm still on a diet. Two weeks now and I feel good and my complexion looks better. Lots of water, fruit, veggies and whole grains. Cheat item, or my splurge? Pudding pops.

Enough about me, what have YOU been up to?

Help Preserve Historic Sabine Hill

Family ties inspire effort to help preserve historic Sabine Hill

Lately, Harrison has been speaking out about his family's heritage, not because of pride but because he wants to preserve the family's oldest remaining home place, Sabine Hill.

The two-story Federal-style farmhouse is one of the first things a visitor coming from the west sees when approaching Elizabethton (Tennessee). The house has stood at its current location since it was built a few years after Brig. Gen. Nathaniel Taylor returned from the War of 1812.

Now, with the house and property in the hands of a developer, Harrison hopes that the house will be saved.

"I am disturbed by what is happening to our country," Harrison said as he sees more and more of the nation’s history destroyed for the sake of development."

"This house and so much of Elizabethton was a real seed bed for our nation's history. From King's Mountain to the Watauga settlements. You start naming wars and there has been a Taylor in every one of them."


link

Right behind this house is the house I lived in from age 7 - 17 (and now own). There have been rumors for several years about razing it to the ground for developers to build on. Recently at a City Hall meeting, our neighbors in Golf Course Acres were able to strike down a developer's request to spot-zone the land (the house and 5 acres) for businesses and/or apartments. But he will be able to build the maximum amount of houses allowed. 15, I believe they said.

My childhood friend, Debbie, lived there along with her 5 brothers and Mother and Father. This was a working farm with chickens, pigs, cows, horses, bees. It was Debbie who taught me to ride horses. We rode her horse, Champ, all over the place, including alongside the golf course and we built jumps for him and carried supplies for our picnics on him. We also rode their pigs, drank milk straight from the cow teats and all other kinds of fun stuff you do on a farm as a small girl.

I definitely don't want to see this house go but the issue has always been money. We need money for restoration and nobody could raise it.

First Hummers

Mother saw our first hummingbird this morning around 8:00. It came back an hour later! Guess I need to put more feeders out for them this weekend, just in case he brings his friends next time.

Feeling Fine, I Tell You

All day yesterday Mother would make mention of me not feeling well. When she'd see me she'd say, "How are you feeling?" "Any better?" And before bed she said, "I hope you feel better tomorrow". But I was fine. I hadn't said anything about feeling bad or sick or anything like that. Perhaps she heard something wrong that I'd said.

After a couple of these yesterday I was still scratching my head but didn't want to point out that there was nothing wrong with me because it embarasses her when she gets something wrong in her elderly age so I played along, hoping it would soon be over.

This morning she asks, "Feeling better today?"

I lie and say, "Oh, yes. Much better today. Nothing wrong with me."

I think it's all played out, sweet Mommy.