Jayne Is Home

Jayne Is Home
My Mother, Jayne, that is. I was named after my sweet, sainted Mother. She was released from the hospital late yesterday. She's been instructed to use a walker to get around. Robin said she's having trouble getting her to eat. Maybe she should try some vitamins...or marijuana. I hear that it gives you a good appetite. Just trying to see the humor in it all. I told her I was going to bring her some weed, just to hear her laugh. That's my job. To spread good cheer and keep them both uplifted. Between her hospital stay and Robin's hospital stay, I've got to search for the humor in life's bumpy highway.

I dusted off this old su s a n * j a y n e template I had used in 2002. Just for something different. If I was smart, I'd know how to skin this site and my other one to change templates with one click. But part of the fun for me is playing with my templates. Long time readers will recognize this grey and white and red one. Still need to modify the comment box to make it match up nicely. But it won't be now. 'Cause I've got some fun planned this evening.

Got up, lit two cigarettes and thought to myself that maybe I should go back to bed and start over. Or maybe I'll just try some more coffee. Three cups later, I'm still not with it. Oh, the joys of menopause. Yeah, that's it. I'll blame it on menopause. Sigh...guess I can go visit my favorite weblogs and hope for an awakening. Or a swift kick in the ass to get me started.

Went to the mailbox and my checks arrived. I went online to imagechecks on Jan 10, because I only had about 5 checks left. I hit the "re-order" link, since I've ordered from them before, and sat back and waited for my checks to arrive. After about 10 days, and no checks, I remembered that they have my OLD address, not my current one, since I had moved in October. Lovely. They don't forward checks and my local post office didn't know for sure what they'd done with them. I ended up ordering another batch of checks. Now I'm into them for about $45-$50 and still no checks, just one left in my checkbook. The reason I order checks online is because they're much cheaper than the checks the bank gets for you. Well, both orders show up today. One with my new address and the ones with my old address. We pay many things online and use our visacard for many things, but we still need checks for the whole 'writing checks on Thursday because you don't have money in the account until Friday' thing. And for mailing other bills. But mostly for the robbing-peter-to-pay-paul thing. (At my Bank of America account online, they ask you to name your accounts, and my Checking is named: Peter; and the Savings is named: Paul)

Now don't sit there and act like you don't know what I'm talking about. If you're so flushed you've never written a check before your funds were in the account, come in a little closer so I can slap you. Since hubby's been sick, it's slim pickin's around here, believe it. But all's well that ends well. I have many things to be thankful for. I've shitloads of checks and my account isn't that much overdrawn.

Pecan Logs - Only 10 More Miles to Stuckeys! And pralines, peanut brittle, and souveniers. Seeing a Stuckey's roadside sign takes me back to a most innocent time in my life. I always wanted one of those shabby looking cheesy, carved-face coconuts. When I was a child, Stuckeys was almost the only place to get lunch, gas, and take a bathroom break on the roads thru Georgia and Florida when we traveled to Miami and Fort Lauderdale each year. My sister and I sat in the back seat and yelled out when we saw the signs along the highway telling our Father how many more miles to the next Stuckey's. Even if we'd just pulled out of one, we'd carry on so much he'd sometimes pull right in to the next one. I'm sure he was hoping we'd take a nap and not notice any more signs or we'd never make our destination. The more I think about it, I could really go for one of those pecan logs right about now. Did you have a special place you always stopped at on trips?

Deja-vu all over again. Now my Mother is in the hospital. Besides pneumonia, they're running tests to see what else is the problem. One doctor talking to my sister was concerned that Robin had recently been ill. Almost like they were considering some kind of connection between the two. I wonder if that's possible that something strange and housebound got them both ill, and eventually made other things break down in their system. Something like the water, maybe? Ah, I've probably seen too many movies. But there are similarities about having a fever, and being incoherent, and not being able to diagnose them.

There's snow as far as the eye can see this morning. I love snow...until I need to drive someplace. Luckily I'm two blocks from an Exxon convenience store so I can walk.

She's back unscaithed. I just asked our 15 yo daughter, Sky to drive to the store to pick up a newspaper for me. Only two blocks away. She was gone for 3 minutes. Given the opportunity to prove herself trustworthy and responsible is great for all of us. I would have never gone straight to the store and straight home in 3 minutes at her age. In fact, I stole the family car every chance I got at that age. When my parents were asleep, while they were in church, at the pool, .......oh my. Please don't let my daughter be like me.

I guess I've stalled long enough. I really need to start some laundry and clean up the kitchen, and all that fun stuff.

Captain Kangaroo

So long, Captain. When I heard the Captain Kangaroo theme music, I'd come running, plop down on the floor in front of the old b&w tv set, yell at my mother to bring me a glass of milk, and settle in to watch my favorite show. Although there was Bunny Rabbit and Mr. Green Jeans, and Mr. Moose, Grandfather Clock was my favorite character. I remember Buster Brown Shoes was a sponsor and I got a replica of the Grandfather Clock when I got a pair of BB shoes once and found that replica online. I loved that thing.

Robin is home, but she's still mending. And my Mother is down in her back something fierce, but won't go to the doctor. This from a retired Director Of Nursing, who was also an RN. She's getting up in years (30 years older than me) and I know I'm lucky to have had her for as long as I have. She's the heart of the family. It seems like that's always a Mother's role. Heart of the family.

Maybe I should edit my writing better, but it just doesn't seem real if I do. I write really choppy when I write off the cuff, don't I? I liken it to writing in a diary. And I wouldn't spell check or edit my diary. Now I do have other places where I'm angst-ridden over every little letter and punctuation. And sometimes I feature those little blurbs or short stories for public consumption. This site is raw. Emotional and real. Warts and all.

Robin Still Healing

Two of our best friends, Terry and Dena, went to see Robin this week and reported back to me this morning. She's now in that other facility and they are teaching her to walk again and instructing her on her medicines, etc. And they said she'll be home soon. It doesn't sound like they plan to keep her there long at all and I'll probably go back over and stay with her some when she comes home.

Why Keep A Weblog?

I first looked for a way to connect to people after 9-11. As corny as it sounds, I was looking for some way to connect with people around the country and world. Just for the purpose of spreading love and peace. (I told you it would be corny.) I started a very successful group on AOL and we introduced ourselves and touched base with each other and it was enlightening. I had been keeping a daily website on Geocities. There was little else in 1996-97. When I learned of Blogger in 2001, I started my daily writings in private at first. Blogger made it so easy to keep a journal. I soon turned over my AOL group and went public with my Blogger site and put my foot into the www water of general feedback and communication with other people.

I had thought it was something that I was giving to others. Making online friends and giving support and speading kindness. It was some time later I saw how it helped me come out of my shell. Although I've always been pretty bold, I never dipped below the surface to speak of real emotions. I lost a best friend; my father passed and life was more precious than ever. My son is estranged from me; my daughter is now a teen with a life of her own and my husband is ill, so I found myself with more time on my hands in this stage of my life.

Keeping a daily weblog gives me a place to keep my thoughts for all time. When I'm long gone, my family can read it when they choose. My sister and I help each other with our journals when she's able. It's fun for my in-laws and my out of state friends to see what my family and I are up to. Old classmates have found me online; from high school and college, and we've renewed our friendships with emails and occasional visits. My teen daughter stops by to see what's on my mind while she's in computer class. And my son, even though we no longer are in touch now, also reads my website, I'm told.

I'm not sure who this weblog/website is for. It doesn't have to "be" for anyone. I'm real glad it just "is".

Still thinking about Robin. Just a little background.....she's my only sibling and is two years younger than me. She always looked up to me and when we were growing up; I always considered her a pest. When we were both in our mid-twenties, we got into a big fist fight and just hated each other for years after. When our Father died in 1991, we were still feuding, but put it all aside to comfort each other. She picked me up in NC, fed me some Valium, and drove me back to Tennessee to bury him. We've been best friends ever since. A few years later she found out she had HepC, and our bond became more strengthened from support. So we talked several times a day on the internet. Each little spot of drama was fodder for an email to her. And we got together each week for breakfast.

Robin and I have an extensive background of drug and alcohol abuse. She'd watched me drink and smoke pot while still a teenager, and was later stunned to find out how deeply I was involved in harder drugs. In a few short years, she'd be following suit. Thinking back, she always did what I did. So it's hard not to carry some guilt about her problems right now.

Here's the part where I want to cry, but I won't. It's almost like conceeding to her failure or maybe my inability to make it right for her, or something. Whew! That's enough.

Blue and Black

Now it's beginning to feel like Winter time. On with the snow---but snow, stay off the streets, please. Now that's a tall order.

Sky, going on 16, bundled up this morning for school; all in black, of course. She's excited this week to show off her new Christmas duds and accessories. And her newly dyed black hair. I mean blue-black hair. It's dark dark brown anyway, so not a huge change. Two of her friends also dyed their hair the same color. She's still in her "Goth" stage. Big brother John went through it, too, when he was that age. She's keeping a blog on LiveJournal now. It's pretty raw, but I'm glad she's able to express herself and it helps me to see how she really feels. No matter how cool a parent you may think you are or say you'll be someday, the fact remains that there's a generation between you and nothing will ever change that. Not just in age, but in attitude, lifestyle...everything. Some days she's just going to hate me just for being Mom. But this too, shall pass, so I tell myself. I'm enjoying her all I can and tell her how much I love her unconditionally and how special she is to me, even to the point of embarassment. She'll be grown and probably on her own in a few short years.

It's A New Year!

And how did I let January pop up without buying myself a calendar? Better yet, why don't I get any free ones in the mail anymore? My insurance company and bank and others used to send them out. So now I'm printing out a January on my printer, so I can keep my bills, etc, straight. A calendar sits by my head, as I sit at my desk which is between two lovely windows in the dining room. I keep appointments elsewhere, too, but the calendar by my desk is where I look first each morning.

Of course, as soon as I print out January, write down all the appropriate bills, and noteworthy events, Skyler comes in and say, I gotta calendar form Uncle Mike you can use. Well, bring it, sister! A, umm, puppy calendar.