Friday blogging screams out for funnies or something silly. So, some email jokes I've received lately for you...

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.



CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?"

He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........... so does she.



WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,

"Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."




WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"





THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said,

"It is 5:00AM. Wake up."

Damn. Blogger lost my post. That happens about once a year to me. And since Blogger is featuring their wonderful, stupendous, new feature... post recover, I thought, no problem. But it's not there today! I saw it yesterday. Yesterday it was slowing my editing page down so much that it was freezing up. I was so annoyed that I wrote to Blogger and sounded off only to get the form letter reply to which I then responded, Please don't insult me by asking if I checked this and this. Of course I did. Writing to Blogger problems was my last resort.

Hope I can recall what all I wrote. Oh, about work. With lightening speed, the others told me who was to be trusted and who not to trust. How did they know they could trust me? Ha! Maybe had something to do with the first day I was there, I shoved a paper into the BIG boss's hand and said, "Take care of this for me, willya?" To which he replied, "Sure thing," and was off to take care of said paperwork. I didn't know who he was. I had seen him hanging around with the other associates laughing it up like a regular joe. Looking back on it, the others that were standing around in the hall did look somewhat stunned. And if I had it to do over again, I'd have handled that differently. At least I would have added a "please" to my demand! Take care of this willya? Geesh. We're still laughing about it. Someday I'll tell Bossman about it, but I'm too embarassed for now.

Lovely Skyler is parading around in her new bikini. She just came in from sunbathing on the back deck for about an hour. It's just now 63�. She slathered on some baby oil and iodine -- (do people in other parts of the country use that to sunbathe sometimes?) and I told her when it was time to turn. Her iPod and cell phone, the basic essentials to tanning, I suppose. What a different world. Oh, she has cut off her mohawk and is left with just inch long hair all over now. Not one of her best looks, but she wears it like she's queen of the universe. So bold and full of self assurance. Always the life of the party. And I'm so proud of her. It's a real privilege to be her Mom.

Your Linguistic Profile:

50% General American English

40% Dixie

5% Yankee

0% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak? found @ Shirl's

Lunch At The Blue Circle

In high school, we'd leave campus for lunch and drive to the Blue Circle, the local 24-hour diner. Using most of my lunch money for cigarettes, I'd have just enough left over for french fries. The short,fat, crinkly ones served up in a small cardboard tray. A quick dash of salt, a squirt of catsup, and I had enough fuel to get through the day.

Hazel brought over the fries if you sat in a booth. "Here you go, sweetheart," she'd say to everyone. She was 70-ish, with dyed blue-black hair teased up higher than her meringue pies. I never saw her without her face on. Fake eyelashes, cherry red nail polish, and if you had a mind to, you could certainly carve out your initials in her makeup.

This establishment holds so many wonderful memories and is sacred ground for so many people. It was one of the top cruising spots in town. You drove down Elk Avenue and turned into the Blue Circle, and then drove around it to see who you could see, And let yourself be seen, too.

Besides being an all night diner, it was also a drive-in restaurant. You talked into a speaker box to order and your food was delivered on a tray that hooked onto your rolled-down car window.

I'm smiling now as I'm reminded of the first double date I had. We'd gone to a movie and stopped by the Blue Circle Drive-In for a late snack. I was with Earl something or other. Oh, what's his name? Very cute and played basketball? And the other couple with us was Cathy something and...

Well, it was a long time ago and as long as it still makes me smile, right?

Upon Further Inspection

I'm not on some conceited trip or trying to say that I'm some great beauty, but I'm very much at peace with what now greets me in the mirror.

Earlier I noticed it was a good hair day. But upon further inspection I also see it's a good face day. A damn good face day. When I was a young girl thinking about my future, this is the 50-ish face I had hoped one day to have.

Framed by wild curly greying long hair, my face bears the normal amount of sun, and wrinkles around the eyes. But the sparkle that they emit-- as if I'm the only one who's in on some cosmic joke, was decades in the making. Once surreptitiously treasured, and now celebrated.

Your values are on your face. You project your inner being. If your reflection in the mirror isn't satisfactory, try fixing the insides first.

Also as a young girl I had hoped to keep my simple 1960's values (that were honed on the commune) of "Live and Let Live", "Whatever gets you through the night", "If in abundance, share it around", "What's mine is yours", "Love is all there is". We literally live by these creeds. It goes against most of what we see in these current times, Where the majority of people that are around you appear completely foreign to you, but it still serves me and my family here on 'High Hopes' quite well.

Staring back at me is warmth, compassion, intelligence, peace, satisfaction, love. Not a bad legacy.

I Am Robin Goodfellow

You are that merrie wanderer of the night - outgoing and playful. Like Robin Goodfellow you enjoy a great joke, even when the joke's on you. You're the life of the party - you have a happy disposition and you like to laugh and have a good time. You're mischevious and you enjoy pulling someone's leg, but your jokes are generally good-natured and well meant (unless of course you're dealing with some fool mortal). When it comes right down to it, you'll do what you can to help out a friend.

Which Trickster Are You?
Take the Trickster Test at www.isleofdreams.net.